Task: Whether or not you proofread as you go along, take time for a careful and critical final read-through.
The following appeared as part of an article in the business section of a newspaper in the country of Freedonia: "Freedonia's commercial airline industry has experienced impressive growth over the past three years. This trend will surely continue in the years to come, since the airline industry will benefit from recent changes in Freedonian society. Incomes are rising, most employees now receive more vacation time, and interest in travel is rising as shown by an increase in media attention devoted to foreign cultures and tourist attractions."
Task: Insert appropriate Keyword signals as needed.
An already good essay sounds 100% better when the author inserts appropriate "Keywords" and phrases to organize the arguments. "Moreover," "on the other hand," "for instance," "above all," "because," "therefore," "furthermore" -- the use of these and other 'connectors' is the mark of a sophisticated writer. Click Continue to see how our sample essay is improved because of proofreading and Keywords.
Countinue
Before
This author's conclusion is a highly optimistic prediction about the future of commercial airlines in Freedonia. That past success, he believes, will continue. The reasons for his optimism have to do with certain changes he has perceived in Freedonian society, specifically higher incomes; increased leisure time; and a greater interest in travel on the part of Freedonians. There are so many pieces of evidence that there are many assumptions connecting the evidence to the conclusion. So many of those assumptions are arguable that this argument doesn't seem very persuasive.
The author assumes that the extra income that Freedonians are now earning will, or can, be put to air travel purposes. For all we know, Freedonian living may be quite difficult. Maybe all of that extra income will go into food and clothing and other basic necessities. All of the extra vacation time enjoyed by Freedonian employees may not be put to travel use, as the author assumes. Perhaps they'd prefer to sit around the house, or prefer to vacation by car or rail. None of those options would benefit the airlines. We cannot assume, as the author does, that that success was due to passenger travel. If the real secret of the industry's success was business travel and cargo shipping, then there's even less reason for the author's optimism that the airlines' past success "will surely continue." Media attention paid to travel isn't necessarily a reflection of the public's interest. It's equally possible that the media are trying to drum up such interest where it doesn't yet exist.
A reliable survey of Freedonians' preferences for their disposable income and their leisure time might serve to cement the currently tenuous connection between these changes in Freedonian society and their effect on the health of the airlines. Legitimate evidence that Freedonians want to travel to other lands, and want to take their country's airlines to get there, would help. An investigation as to the precise causes of the past airline boom would confirm whether the past success is really connected to hopes for the future. Without more specific and detailed evidence as to what is in Freedonians' minds, it is hard to share the author's optimism that in future years, Freedonian consumers will keep the airlines flying high.
After
This author's conclusion is a highly optimistic prediction about the future of commercial airlines in Freedonia. That past success, he believes, will continue. The reasons for his optimism have to do with certain changes he has perceived in Freedonian society, specifically higher incomes; increased leisure time; and a greater interest in travel on the part of Freedonians. There are so many pieces of evidence that there are many assumptions connecting the evidence to the conclusion. Moreover, so many of those assumptions are arguable that this argument doesn't seem very persuasive.
For one thing, the author assumes that the extra income that Freedonians are now earning will, or can, be put to air travel purposes. But for all we know, Freedonian living may be quite difficult. Maybe all of that extra income will go into food and clothing and other basic necessities. By the same token, all of the extra vacation time enjoyed by Freedonian employees may not be put to travel use, as the author assumes. Perhaps they'd prefer to sit around the house, or prefer to vacation by car or rail. None of those options would benefit the airlines. As for the industry's previous success, we cannot assume, as the author does, that that success was due to passenger travel. If the real secret of the industry's success was business travel and cargo shipping, then there's even less reason for the author's optimism that the airlines' past success "will surely continue." Finally, media attention paid to travel isn't necessarily a reflection of the public's interest. It's equally possible that the media are trying to drum up such interest where it doesn't yet exist.
A reliable survey of Freedonians' preferences for their disposable income and their leisure time might serve to cement the currently tenuous connection between these changes in Freedonian society and their effect on the health of the airlines. Furthermore, legitimate evidence that Freedonians want to travel to other lands, and want to take their country's airlines to get there, would help as well. Lastly, an investigation as to the precise causes of the past airline boom would confirm whether the past success is really connected to hopes for the future. Without more specific and detailed evidence as to what is in Freedonians' minds, it is hard to share the author's optimism that in future years, Freedonian consumers will keep the airlines flying high.
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A good rule of thumb is that your reader should be able to get the gist of your entire argument just by skimming the first sentence of each paragraph. Remember, your reader is probably going to devote no more than 3 to 5 minutes to your essay. Take a few minutes at the beginning of your AWA to outline the five sentences that will begin your paragraphs; this strategy can make your reader’s job far easier, and a happy reader is probably more apt to make those tricky 4/5 line calls in your favor. Similarly, the e-reader is programmed to assess organization, and well-written topic sentences that use transition words and clearly state the point of each paragraph are a big help in creating the kind of organizational structure that earns you points on test day.